10/10 prompt material right here
“But your abuse made you kind”
I was always kind. My abuse tested my kindness and you are testing my patience.
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‘no, my abuse made me a spineless jellyfish living in perpetual fear of standing up for myself, but thank you for framing that as a positive thing you like about me’
“I am a good person despite my abuse, not because of it”
Abuse made me hypersensitive to other people’s emotions while neglecting my own boundaries and comfort because I’m afraid of upsetting someone or having them lash out at me.
I was already strong. I was already smart. I was already empathetic. Anything I learned over time comes from me and not from my abuse or my abuser. Fuck anyone who asks survivors to give abusers even a singular ounce of credit for their own attributes. Literally eat a bag of shit covered dicks and never speak again.
so apparently when my sister and i were little we took golfing classes and we got kicked out after a week. the reason being that the old white male instructor kept calling my 4 year old sister Maria “Mary” after she told him several times that her name is pronounced Maria. anyway, at one point, he tells her “well, that doesn’t matter anymore. you’re in America now.” and that distressed my sister so much that she hit him with her golf club.
that’s not what did the damage, though. what fucked that old dude up is that i saw my sister hit him from where i was standing and i ran over and started beating him with MY golf club. my mom says that i didn’t know what the hell was happening, but i squared up.
that’s why we got kicked out.
back when i was a freshman in high school there was this one art project involving hot wax so we had a huge vat of it outside of the classroom and kids were like sticking stuff in it and playing with pieces so as soon as i saw it i went OOH WAX and literally stuck my entire hand in it
and my teacher SCREAMED and several students yelled out some “oh my god”’s and i realized why as soon as my hand was submerged because that shit was very very hot but i didn’t want to be known as the dumbass who stuck their hand in burning hot wax and suffered an injury so instead of pulling my hand out and screaming i somehow managed to keep a straight face and just went “what?” and my teacher was just like “oh my god… that’s really hot wax, are you okay?” and i was just like “oh? it is? i can’t feel a thing” and just kept my hand in there for like a solid 30 seconds in excruciating pain before pulling it out
that was honestly the most fierce power move i ever pulled
Oh man I have a story like this. So in my freshman year of high school we were all required to take biology right? And you get the option between regular and honors (the difference is honors is harder with no true pay off) so of course I being the ignorant little shit I am picked honors because I thought is made me important somehow. The thing about honors bio tho was that it was two combined classes , taught by two teachers, in one large lab. So one day a friend of mine (a guy friend that I tended to joke with a lot) came in with like this packet of cinnamon looking powder, (not drugs. I promise) and would occasionally eat small quantities of. At the end of class I was talking with him, my best friend, and a guy I didn’t reallly know very well at the time and he was offering us some. My best friend and I had NO idea what this was. Tbh I thought it was like cinnamon sugar or something, but the other guy clearly knew what it was cause he was very hesitant to take some, but smirked as my friend offered it to me. Seeing this as a challenge, and one that I was not going to loose) I scooped out a fairly decent amount and popped it into my mouth. It wasn’t until their smiles turned into wide shit-eating grins that I realized that my mouth was burning. Like fire from the pits of heel shooting out of my mouth hot. But like I said, I’m not one to loose a challenge, so I just plastered on a sweet smile and choked down that powder, and even liked remanents of it off my finger as their smiles turn to full on horror. They told me the powder was called Carolina Reaper and it was ranked pretty high on the pepper-hellfire chart. From that moment forward I had them, and the rest of the class that witnessed this in a constant state of fear and awe.
